Korean Dating Transcends the Divide

Jan. 30, 2014 7:00 p.m. ET

Hong Seung-woo with his wife, Ju Jeong-ok, who is originally from North Korea. Matt Douma for The Wall Street Journal

SEOUL—North Korea continues to tighten its border, but for many who escape there’s another big challenge: loneliness.
When Na Soo-yeon arrived in Seoul in 2008 after fleeing North Korea, she found herself alone in an unfamiliar society where she knew no one. To ease her solitude, she sought a husband from South Korea who could provide companionship and help her adjust to life in the South. She turned to a marriage agency that specializes in pairing North Korean women with South Korean men.
“I just wanted a good guy who was financially stable and could guide me through life in South Korea. Everything is so different here [than it is in North Korea] and it is difficult to adapt,” Ms. Na, 48, said in a recent interview.

Pairing couples for marriage is a sizable business niche in South Korea, where there are several companies that exclusively pair North Korean women and South Korean men. Demand for these firms’ services is born of some unique demographics: a majority of the more than 26,000 North Korean refugees who have settled in South Korea are women, while large numbers of South Korean men who live in rural areas and work blue-collar jobs fail to find South Korean wives.
The flow of North Korean refugees has fallen sharply in the last two years following a border crackdown by dictator Kim Jong Un, data from South Korea’s Unification Ministry show. New arrivals of North Koreans into South Korea totaled 1,516 last year, around the same number as the year before but less than half as many as in 2011, before Mr. Kim took power at the end of the year.

Hong Seung-woo, chief executive of Namnam Buknyeo Matt Douma for The Wall Street Journal

Women from North Korea continue to account for around three of every four defectors arriving in the South. The skew reflects the fact that it is easier for women to go unnoticed for days in North Korea, where most men are required to report regularly at their workplace.
Hong Seung-woo is CEO of Namnam Buknyeo, the company that paired Ms. Na with her husband. He says one of his company’s goals is to help North Korean women settle happily in the South. The women who seek the services of such marriage agencies, and North Korean refugees in general, tend to escape North Korea on foot across the border with China. They then usually spend months or years in the communities of ethnic Koreans in China, before leaving for a third country where they seek asylum at a South Korean embassy.
“For the North Koreans who come here, their main goal is to make South Korea their home. To do that, they need to build a network that can support them,” says Mr. Hong, who himself married a woman from North Korea. Mr. Hong has operated his company since 2006 and says the firm has orchestrated 450 marriages in that time.
Women can register for Namnam Buknyeo’s services free, while men have to pay a fee of 3 million won (about $2,800) for introductory meetings with a maximum of five women over the course of one year. The company has a screening process that must be completed before male clients are accepted. Men who are unemployed, already married or disabled aren’t eligible.
Some South Korean men seek North Korean wives instead of those from elsewhere in Asia because of shared language and customs. Korean conventional wisdom also has it that the most handsome Korean men hail from the South and the prettiest women from the North. The name “Namnam Buknyeo” is an abbreviation of the Korean expression for “Southern man, northern woman”.

The office of Namnam Buknyeo in Seoul. Matt Douma for The Wall Street Journal

Mr. Hong met his wife Ju Jeong-ok, 40, when she signed up for his company’s services shortly after settling in South Korea in 2012. He says that on their first date, he knew right away that he wanted to marry her. “I was considering several women at the time, but she was really pretty, and seemed so kind and genuine that I was sure I would ask her to marry me,” said Mr. Hong.
According to a recent poll by matchmaking firm Bien-Aller, 69% of South Korean men said they were “somewhat positive” about the prospect of marrying a North Korean woman, while 84% of South Korean women said they were “somewhat negative” on the question of marrying a North Korean man.
Regardless of the appeal of a partner from over the heavily militarized border, the vast differences between South and North Korean societies mean that people from opposite sides can have trouble getting along. Since the Korean peninsula was divided at the end of World War II, South Korea has become an advanced, democratic economy, while in the North much of organized life still revolves around praising the country’s ruling dynasty.
Lim Soon-hee, a researcher at the Korea Institute for National Unification, says that a lack of familiarity between South Korean men and North Korean woman can lead to misunderstandings that cause problems during marriage.
“North Korean women see South Korean men on TV dramas and imagine that their husbands will be romantic and take care of them, while South Korean men think that North Korean women are obedient. Once these fantasies are broken, both parties can end up disappointed and hurt,” says Ms. Lim.
Na Hyang-sook, 36, who arrived in South Korea in 2008 and found her husband through an agency last March, said seeking a partner through a company was helpful as it clarified both parties’ intentions at the outset of the relationship. “I think going through the agency was better than just meeting someone randomly, because it meant we could begin with similar expectations,” said Na Hyang-sook.
Critics have accused the companies that pair South Korean men and North Korean women of exploiting the North Korean women in the name of profit. Lee Young-seok, director of external affairs for Citizens’ Alliance for North Korean Human Rights, says marriage agencies emphasize the government-allotted benefits that North Koreans are privy to when pitching their companies’ services to South Korean men.
“Those companies market North Korean women like they were commercial goods. It is dehumanizing. They tell men that the North Korean women are a good option because they already have a house and because their families are in North Korea so they won’t be burdened by having to take care of them,” said Mr. Lee.
When North Korean refugees arrive in South Korea, after a lengthy interrogation and resettlement process, they are provided by the South Korean government with several thousand dollars to start their lives, along with money for housing and vocational training.
Mr. Hong of Namnam Buknyeo denies ever presenting the benefits received by North Korean women as incentives for his South Korean clients.
“Our business is to match couples who will be happy,” said Mr. Hong. “We don’t misrepresent any of our clients’ situations just to make money in the short term. We’re dealing with people’s lives here, which are much more important than money.”
Ms. Na Soo-yeon says that she and her husband had problems with communication in the early stages of their marriage, as the versions of the Korean language spoken in North and South Korea have become different over the years, but are now living happily. She says marriage has been easy compared with some of the tribulations she dealt with earlier in life, growing up in and fleeing North Korea.
She said, “Coming from North Korea, I’ve been through plenty in my life. I can easily handle a South Korean man.”
—Alastair Gale contributed to this article.

See original here: Korean Dating Transcends the Divide